Sunday, March 05, 2006


The Rules of Life

I'm in Chicago right now, and I have about 45 minutes of time to fill, so all you lucky fans out there (yes, all two of you) are going to be graced with the rules of life:

There's gonna be about....30 of them or so...generally speaking, my life can be broken down into about 30 different microcosms.

Rule #30: Sticky, messy, greasy food products will always, ALWAYS land nasty side down when you drop them. There is no way around this, I hate to say.

Rule #29: If you live any part of your life in State College, the weather will be bad a minimum of five out of seven days of the week. Get used to it and embrace your seasonal depression.

Rule #28: When in doubt, get the hell out. Period.

Rule #27: Any sporting event broadcast by Gus Johnson will always seem about 2o times more exciting than it has any right to be.

Rule #26: It's a bad sign when you're being regularly outwitted by siblings half your age.

Rule #25: Acting disinterested is the best way to get a girl's attention.

Rule #24: If you want to drink and you have the money, by all means, get some good stuff. If not, say hello to White Tavern and Natty Light.

Rule #23: You'll never have money in college: Hello White Tav, Hello Natty Light.

Rule #22: Swallow your pride and mooch as much off of your parents as possible, but don't be a fucking asshole after all they've done for you.

Rule #21: That means don't puke all over them during the summer after particularly rough trip to the bar.

Rule #20: Most things that happen in romantic movies never happen in real life, and most lyrics of sad songs are completely made up and have no basis in real life events.

Rule #19: Any recording artist that uses their own name and nothing else for their band's name is either going to suck or play really odd "mood music".

Rule #18: There are few pleasures in life greater than a good cigar, a good beer, a good book, and a sunset. Indulgence of these pleasures takes precedence over nearly everything else in life.

Rule #17: Most movies starring Tom Green aren't that good. Deal with it.

Rule #16: Reading a good book proves to be more entertaining than 98% of what you'll see on tv. Unbelievable, you say? Trust me, it's true.

Rule #15: Sitting around and just letting your mind wander is one of the single greatest pleasures in life. There's no other way to say it, so I'd recommend doing it frequently.

Rule #14: Be involved, but not so much that you don't have time to just lounge. Lounging is without question the greatest extracurricular activity that every college offers.

Rule #13: Don't do something just because your friends are. Yeah, you've heard that all your life, but it's even more true now than ever before. If you don't feel like doing it, then don't.

Rule #12: Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Ever.

Rule #11: Experience a big city once in your life. Immerse yourself in it, do everything you can do, even if it means going broke.

Rule #10: Live with passion, in whatever you do.

Rule #9: No matter how dumb you think they are, your parents know a lot more than you do. Listen to them.

Rule #8: Stand up for yourself, even if it means hurting someone else's feelings.

Rule #7: Have some respect for yourself, because if you don't, no one else will.

Rule #6: Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, a problem might have to be solved with your fists. Make sure they don't miss.

Rule #5: Avoid drama at all costs. Some people thrive on it. Chances are, if you're reading this, you're not one of them.

Rule #4: Family above all else. Good, true friends close behind.

Rule #3: No regrets, make the best of what you got.

Rule #2: Keep the people that are important close, and the people that aren't at arms length away.

Rule #1: Life's not so bad. Don't go making it shitty for yourself. Forgive, forget, and move on. Enjoy your spin on this ball, because it's the only one you get.

Too serious of a post? Sorry, they can't all be funny.

College basketball musings will return either late tomorrow or early Tuesday.

The Mauler

Well done, especially on #18....couldn't agree more on that one. I think you could replace a good conversation w/the good book part and it would work well too.
Dear Mauler

Wonderful post my man. Very thought out and so fucking true. Thanks for it.

The Wick
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